Dear Miles (Your Birth Story)

Dear Miles,

My heart is absolutely overflowing now that you're finally here! You may have kept us waiting a few extra days, but we are so delighted that you've made your debut! Some people have been asking for your birth story, and maybe someday you'll be interested in knowing about it, too. There were a lot of little details, and my sleep-deprived brain might not remember everything perfectly, but I'll give it my best shot.

Squirt, your birth story really starts last summer when your daddy and I had started talking about when we wanted to start a family. We were on the self-proclaimed "3-5 year plan", and we were just past 4 years of marriage, so it seemed like the right time. However, our plans were complicated and then delayed when I was told I needed to have a lump in my breast carefully monitored for a few months to make sure it wasn't breast cancer. That was a bit of a scary season for us, Squirt, just waiting to see if the lump grew and then being told that it had grown and I needed to get it biopsied. So our plans for starting a family were pushed aside as we made appointments at the Stefanie Spielman center in Columbus for a second opinion and a biopsy. That all happened last October through November, and we finally got the all-clear in early December. The lump was totally benign, with virtually no risk of becoming cancerous. Naturally I was concerned about its effect on breastfeeding and if it would inhibit my ability to nurse someday, but my doctor was convinced it would pose no problems. Such an answer to prayer!

Around the end of January we found out for sure that we were expecting you, sweet boy. We were absolutely elated and at the same time so unsure about bringing another human into the world. It's a big responsibility to think about, but at the same time, such a great honor and privilege to be your parents.

Anyway, pregnancy was super easy for me. I didn't have hardly any symptoms until my final trimester when the heartburn became a real thing. Now it makes sense why it was so rough at times, based on your size; but more on that later! Your due date came and went and my doctor was convinced I would need induced about a week after you were due. However, four days after your due date I had an appointment where the doc checked to see how far dilated I was, and as she was checking my water broke. It was baby time! So she stripped my membranes, sent me home to get my bag, and then told me to head on over to the hospital. I called your daddy and he came right home from work. He mowed the lawn while I did some laundry and dishes, because the contractions were super minimal at this point. After we did what we needed to do, we headed up to the hospital. 

I was all about as natural a delivery as possible, and we made sure to let our nurses and the hospital midwife know. So in order to intensify my contractions a bit we tried nipple stimulation with a breastpump. It worked a little bit, but it was finally decided I needed some pitocin to really get things moving and get you out. I was pretty opposed to the pitocin, but all I really wanted at that point was a healthy baby, so we went with it. Let me tell you, pitocin is the absolute devil. It sure did its job in intensifying the contractions. I was able to breathe through the contractions for a few hours, walked around the hospital hallway, sat in the tub for a couple hours, used the birthing ball, and watched some TV to try and distract myself. However, by 6 cm. I was really hurting and asked about the epidural. So as the nurse put in the order for the epidural I continued breathing through and feeling like crap. An hour and a half later they FINALLY came to check me one more time before administering the epidural. I had made it to 9 cm. and had second thoughts about getting the epidural. However, at this point my body was telling me to push and I asked the nurse if I could just go for it, and she told me absolutely not, I needed to wait until I was fully dilated. So I went ahead with the epidural, then took a nap, and finally around 3:45 Thursday morning (September 28) I was ready to start pushing. Squirt, you need to know that your mama was pretty judgmental towards women who opted for an epidural without even trying. I really thought I could do it. However, looking back now I know it was probably a lesson in humility for me, and also a grace that I got it considering what happened immediately after you were born. No more judgment here! Although, I do still hope to have a natural childbirth someday.

Anyway, I pushed for one hour and there you were! My beautiful, wailing, hairy baby boy! You scored a 9/10 on the APGAR test, and you were absolutely perfect. However, you were also 10lb 5oz of nothing but muscle, and you stretched my uterus out so much that I started hemorrhaging right after you were born. All of the sudden there were extra nurses and another doctor in the room working on trying to stop the bleeding. I have to give a huge shout-out to Dr. Her and her student, Effie. They were absolutely incredible through the whole process, and stayed so calm that I really didn't have any idea the extent of what was happening. I found out afterward they gave me just about every medication possible to help stop the bleeding. Your dad said they were up to their elbows on my insides working (sorry if that's TMI). Thankfully, I couldn't really feel a thing, plus I was on cloud nine holding my new baby. Finally they got the bleeding under control and got everything cleaned up, but not before I had lost 2 liters of blood. 

I was then wheeled up to my postpartum room and that's when things got interesting again. Later that afternoon I got up to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and ended up passing out. Thankfully your dad was right there to catch me and got some nurses to help get me back to my bed. But on my way back to bed I passed out again. At this point more doctors came in to see me and it was decided I needed a blood transfusion. That was definitely not in my birth plan! But I got over my initial fear and decided it really was the best idea to get me back to full health again. Now I am so incredibly thankful for those who donate blood so that it was possible for me to get that transfusion and help my body heal more quickly. After that my recovery went pretty smooth and I was released to go home that Friday afternoon. 

While we were still in the hospital it seemed like breastfeeding was going pretty well and the lactation consultants gave me some helpful tips and advice, and they seemed to think you had a good latch. Once we got home you were pretty inconsolable sometimes and you also started losing weight pretty significantly. So we set up a consultation with a lactation specialist and after troubleshooting what might be wrong, we found the bullseye. Because I had lost so much blood after you were born my body was working hard to heal itself and wasn't as concerned about producing enough breastmilk to feed you. That was incredibly discouraging to hear, but also so helpful as she gave me some great advice to help my body heal and begin producing more milk. We're still not up to solely breastfeeding, and we are supplementing about once or twice a day with a few ounces of formula, but I'm so thankful the bulk of your meals are breastmilk. That was certainly a high priority for me, but again, a lesson in humility and not judging the mamas who don't breastfeed, for whatever reason. We're all just doing the best we can, ya know? I will say, going to the breastfeeding support group has been really helpful and also a great way to put things into perspective. We're not the only ones struggling with this, and it makes me so thankful that you're a big, healthy boy otherwise. You are quite literally double the size of some of the other babies in our group. 

Well, we've made it two weeks with you, sweet boy. We're still settling in to what life looks like now with you in it, but I'm so thankful for God's protection over you and I both during delivery and our stay in the hospital, and I'm so excited to watch you grow. Your daddy and I pray that you will live up to the legacy of your name, Milan, after your great-grandpa, and love and serve the Lord with your whole heart. You are God's best gift, Milan Bryan, and we are so blessed to be your parents. We've already had some parenting fails, and I know we'll have many more, but His grace is always sufficient; for us and for you. We pray that you will realize that at an early age. There is so much more I could say, but know that you are so loved, sweet boy. 

All my love,

Mama