Bittersweet



The theme for my dorm floor this year is “Bittersweet”. My RA has chosen this theme based on a book she read recently that focused on rejoicing in the good times of life, and learning from the hard times while looking for the redemption that can happen through each.
Bittersweet has seemed to be the theme of my life recently, as well. Last year around this time my grandpa, who was a spiritual patriarch in my family, passed away suddenly, and about three weeks later my grandma followed him. Although my grandma had been ill for quite some time, it was still difficult to see her go, especially so soon after losing grandpa. This year, coming upon the anniversary of these events, I was feeling very fragile. I have never been one to cry very easily, especially in front of other people, but during this time I wept almost uncontrollably at times. Then I would feel guilty because I should have moved on by now, right? My grandparents are rejoicing in Heaven where they’ve wanted to be for so long… But it was still hard. The reality of death is so hard to comprehend sometimes.
However, this semester in the midst of some tender moments of grieving the loss while still rejoicing in the Truth, I got ENGAGED! My wonderful boyfriend of a little over a year popped the question and I accepted. We had a wonderful weekend with our families, as his parents had made the trip out to my family’s house to celebrate with us. I am now caught up in all of the excitement of planning a wedding: setting up the guest list, choosing colors and bridesmaid dresses, picking our reception venue and the menu, describing to my mom what the cake will look like (she’s a master cake decorator!) and setting up premarital counseling. The whole thing is a bit of a whirlwind, but I am enjoying it so much!
On top of all of this I am almost at the point of graduation from Moody. Only three months left before I have completed all of my requirements. In some ways I am dreading the drive home for Christmas break knowing that I will not be returning again. I will greatly miss my dear friends, professors, and classes. However, I am excited to be so well equipped (or so I am told) for ministry, and actually get my hands dirty doing what I love for the One I love. I am excited to in a secular work force for a time, while still involved in ministry in my church. I am excited to put the finishing touches on my wedding and prepare for a lifetime of marriage.
It is a bittersweet time.
I shared with my Ministry Team last night that the Lord has been bringing a certain image to mind lately in these bittersweet times. It comes from the day when I hiked the Grand Canyon with my family and a few friends a few years ago. We hiked the whole thing in one day, which is highly discouraged. When we got to the bottom and prepared to hike back up and out a storm blew in. It got really windy and rainy, with thunder and lightning all around us. All we could do was try to find shelter and wait out the storm. So we hid in a cliff of the Grand Canyon, in the cleft of a rock. We waited there, watching the storm, but unharmed by it. When the storm had passed we continued our trek. God has been reminding me lately that He wants to be my cleft in the rock; my shelter; my fortress. I was reminded of this again while reading Psalm 91 as these truths were reinforced in my heart.
I am so comforted in knowing that I serve a God of redemption. Not only are the good, holy things used to serve the Lord, but He will also take the hard, difficult, miserable times and redeem them for His glory. Not only that, He is continuing to redeem my life and the times I doubt and make mistakes and fall flat on my face, and redeems them in order to teach me, instruct me, and guide me closer to Himself.

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