Cancer, Cysts, and October Leaves

When I was growing up, fall was always my least favorite season. To me it was a depressing end to beautiful, warm summers with all the fun outdoor recreation, and a terrible lead up to the most wonderful time of the year complete with coziness and skiing adventures. Jammed right in between those two fantastic seasons was fall; when the leaves on the trees spoke of death and dying. I just wasn't a fan. However, fall has always been one of my mom's favorite times of the year and she taught me to see the true beauty in it. She has always pointed out the beautiful changing colors of fall leaves, and she taught me to appreciate the sound of crunching leaves underfoot. I also began to have a deep appreciation and love for the feelings of gratitude and thanksgiving that accompanied this season.
Then three years ago I started to have a newfound sense of appreciation for the fall season. I know that it's pretty typical to have those feelings and thoughts around Thanksgiving, but this goes much deeper than that. God has been showing me each fall for the past few years, another glimpse at His faithfulness and providence.
Three years ago my mom called me one evening and told me she had endometrial cancer. That sickening six letter word was now touching my immediate family and I couldn't hold back the tears. My mind raced and I couldn't choke out the words of faith and encouragement that I wanted to say, so instead I sat there weeping as my mom comforted me through the phone. That began her journey, and although it had its challenges and discomforts, it was relatively short-lived. She had surgery just a few days after Thanksgiving, and it was a huge success. The surgeon admitted that there was more cancer proliferating her endometrium than he originally thought, but he was still very optimistic that he had gotten it all. After doing her research mom decided not to do any further radiation or chemo, and she has been cancer-free ever since.
Then two years ago I discovered a lump in one of my breasts and set up a doctor's appointment to figure out what to do about it. My doctor strongly suggested I get an ultrasound done to see what was going on. So I made that appointment and got no answers. They couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but the radiologist suggested I come back again in six months and make sure it hadn't grown in that time. Upon returning six months later I got the discouraging report that it appeared the lump had grown and they recommended I visit a breast cancer specialist, as this was not a good sign. It sometimes seems like I must have been in denial during that part of my life, but I actually think I must have been experiencing the perfect peace of God. It was all grace during that season as Bryan and I traversed some "what ifs" and thinking through our options, as well as praying... so much praying. One of the biggest disappointments of this season of our life was realizing the delay it meant to starting our family. We had been talking about trying to have a baby, but with a potential cancer diagnosis looming ahead, we had to put that desire and plan aside for a time. It was disappointing, but it was the right thing to do. As the time for my first appointment with the specialist and my biopsy came, I felt strangely calm. It wasn't until I stepped into that building and saw other women with bigger struggles than mine, that I broke down and expressed what was deep inside me- I shouldn't be here. I didn't feel like I should have to go through this. But the Lord met me there, too, and gave me perspective. After meeting with a fantastic team of nurses, specialists, and sonographers I felt a sense of ease and calm. I got through the discomfort of the biopsy and then we just had to wait. The wait seemed to take forever, but finally, a couple of weeks later we got the results- it was a benign cyst. Benign! That was the best word I'd heard in a while, and we were so thankful! Now I don't have anything else to do with it until I'm 40!
Shortly after that wonderful news we found out we were pregnant and our thankfulness overflowed again. Not only was I blessed with a new lease on life, and a healthy life, but we were going to have a new little life joining us. Pregnancy was pretty easy for me except the occasional queasiness and general discomfort of getting big and stretched to my max near the end. But it was all worth it on September 28, 2017 when our sweet little guy, Milan Bryan, joined us weighing 10 lbs. 5 oz. He was a big guy and although delivery was fairly standard, right after he came I started hemorrhaging. Thankfully I was so caught up in holding and admiring my sweet new baby I didn't even notice anything out of the ordinary. I remember thinking it was a little strange that an additional doctor joined us after he was born, but I figured that was somehow standard practice. Little did I know they were giving me a bit of everything they could to help stop the bleeding. I'm so thankful Bryan didn't pass out or freak out, he was just as calm and controlled (at least on the outside) as the medical staff. Soon everything was under control, until later that afternoon when I passed out twice from the blood loss. Then came another moment of utter gratitude when I realized someone donated their blood so that I could be a functioning new mom and recover 10x faster than I would have without their generosity.
This fall, we get to celebrate Milan turning a year old, a benign cyst that gets to just hang out with me until further notice, mom being cancer free for three years, and so much more! These are some major highlights, but there are a myriad of "smaller" things we celebrate, too. I hope you can take some time to remember many of the things you're thankful for this year. There's no doubt we've been blessed with so many things to fill our hearts with gratitude; it's just a matter of pausing to recognize them. Have a blessed time remembering God's faithfulness and blessing in your life!